The "he-she" estrogen rage...

Tonight one of my technicians called me at home because one of our regular patients lost he-her mind and started yelling. I think he-her hormones are off...I noticed he-she had a bit of a 5 o'clock shadow the other day as well as an increase in growth of body hair. I think he-her testicles are telling he-her breasts to BACK OFF I'M BACK!. So, he-she is going injection instead of PO in an attempt to keep him-herself in a more feminine role. He-she is mad... He-she is coming in tomorrow to complain about my technician... He-she can take he-her he-she parts somewhere else if he-she is gonna act that way.

Know what I mean?

...sheesh...

My boss is bomb...

Amidst all the complaining I have to say...

My boss is bomb. She happens to be the biggest reason I stay with the company I work for. She supports her Pharmacists in all they do (unless they are being bad)...and can be unconditionally trusted. There really isn't much I wouldn't do for her. I love having a job where I know that if I do an honest days work that I'll be supported when some psycho patient or some physician with an overinflated sense of self worth calls to complain. I love knowing that I don't have to tolerate disrespect or abuse from my patients and that I'll have my boss' support if I fire them for said. There's something to be said for that kind of support...in fact, support-wise, it's right up there with Victoria Secrets best bra!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!

The King has a brother.....

Earlier I posted about a physician whom I fondly referred to as The King....today I met his brother The Jester. I'm going to vent here about The Jester... The Jester called and started by yelling at one of my staff (nobody yells at my staff except for me!)...then he started yelling at me. The reason for the yelling is not really this issue, the issue is that this physician was so unreasonably angry that I had to terminate the call with him. Then The Jester called back and told me that when he was done with me that I wouldn't have a pot to piss in and that he'd have my license. Of course I terminated that call as well. Later in the day a patient came to the pharmacy and (upon finding out that I had spoken to The Jester) apologized for The Jester's behavior...that he was embarassed and wanted a recommendation to another prescriber...apparently he was in The Jester's office and witnessed the whole conversation and found it appalling.

I love Karma.

What did you just say?

I'm reminiscing...

"I have this rash..." - I usually stop looking at the patient at this moment because 9 times out of 10 they are preparing to show me.

"Why wrong wit my butt?" - Patient who spoke broken english who I ended up finding out had a hemorrhoid playing peek-a-boo.

"I used acne wash for the pimples I got on my crotch from shaving...now I have a rash, what can I do?" - Those aren't pimples...and do you have to say "crotch"...could you please say "bikini line" or "groin"? And that's probably a benzoyl peroxide burn you idiot!

"My niece has bugs in her hair. Can you tell me if it's lice?" - NO NO NO!! Go get the Rid! Bye Bye... I'm itching right now.

"I haven't gone poop in 4 days and my stomach hurts. Is that normal?" - What do you think!?

"I just got new breasts. Would you like to see them?" - No lie. She was getting pain medication and was so excited she wanted to show me her new boobs. I'm not really a boob-girl so I declined but thanked her for the offer.

"Wanna go for a ride?" - Old man propositioning me while I was still interning...I counselled him on Viagra. In a word....NO. How come I never get the "hot" ones? They always have to be 80.

"How do I know if these are the right size?" - Box of condoms...they were magnum...he was no magnum...


I love my job.

I only want the Vicodin...

Can I get a show of hands from those of you who get patients who think we're gullible enough to only fill the Vicodin on a script from the emergency room written on a blank also containing an antibiotic? Uh...hello! The antibiotic is $4.00 and the Vicodin is $16.49 and you're telling me you can't afford to get both? Guess what the answer is? I'm gonna give you three guesses and the first two don't count...

...sheesh...

Booger alert.

Is it too much to ask my staff to tell me if I have a visible booger in my nostril? I go into the bathroom and wash my hands...glance in the mirror and there it is...big ole booger suspended on a nostril hair. What if I had exhaled while I was counselling someone and it flew out? Come on people!! Cut me a break here!!

I am Doctor! Hear me roar!!

So I get a call from this physician, let's call him The King. The King is pissed because the day prior his MA called twice to speak to the Pharmacist to give a verbal prescription but was instructed to leave a message or send a fax as the Pharmacist was with patients. Now, I'm doing 450 to 500 a day folks...my recorder line takes messages and has a phone tree that gives you the option to do so...USE IT SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE INTERRUPTED EVERY 5 DAMN SECONDS!! I explain to The King that offices do have the aforementioned options which serves to further infuriate him. The King tells me that my staff is incompetent to take prescriptions in any fashion other than verbally and repeating back to his MA. Now I'm insulted. Then The King tells me that if my pharmacy cannot adhere to HIS policy that he will instruct his patients to take their prescriptions elsewhere and that from this point on he will not authorize refills to our pharmacy. I know, I know...you're thinking "what an ass"....THERE'S MORE...

Later that day I receive a fax from The King. The King is sending me a sample notice to be posted in his office informing his patients that he is no longer doing business with my pharmacy. He goes on to accuse me of things I didn't even say. I was amused...not because I was being slandered, but because he wrote it in such a fit that he misspelled and had some serious grammar faux-pauxs. I know, I know...you're thinking "I was right! What an ass"...but wait....THERE'S MORE....

The following day I receive a fax from The King that is a copy of the letter he sent to the Corporate Office of the company I work for. I couldn't help but giggle...more grammar and spelling issues. I didn't dignify either letter with a response...in fact I left his fax in our computer so that every time one of his patients requests a refill it will be automatically generated to his office. I can't wait for the denials to roll in. I can't wait to let his patients know...yes, you guessed it..."what an ass" he is.

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Ew...

Ok...just so everyone is clear... No, I'm not interested in knowing how well your Viagra works for you. No, I'm not interested in knowing what it was like before and after. No, I'm not interested in seeing your glee. ...and, no, I'm not interested in participating to see if your Viagra is going to work. I will assume that you are satisfied with the results if you return for a refill.

Thank you very much.

The substandard colleague...

Okay...I had a BF (bitch fit) on Friday. I can't remember the last time I was so disgusted...and not by a patient, mind you...but a fellow Pharmacist. I'd like a voice of reason from anyone out there as to whether or not I'm just being a psycho "yatch"...here goes....

So, anyone who's worked retail knows that transfers are a total pain in the pa-tootie. Half the time you wait on hold only to find there are no refills to transfer. On Friday night I tried to transfer 2 prescriptions from a competitor - no refills...one of the drugs was carvedilol. Patient has had no dose on Friday and has no drug left...and no old bottle (he's on the phone). I explain that he should not go without meds and to go to competitor and get emergency supply and we will get new prescription on Tuesday. Competitor refuses to give emergency supply because he is transferring his prescriptions and she says she won't get paid for the medication (What the @#$%^!!!! It's carvedilol! It's probably $1!!! You cheap-ass "yatch" I'll bring you the $1!!). I'm a little disturbed and remind her about abrupt discontinuation...just in case she had trouble with her pharmacology like she does her english...she doesn't care. She refuses. So I tell her how disturbing I find her total disregard for the care of her patient and that I find it professionally embarassing...I'm sure that is why she refused to "remember" who her District Manager is when I asked. Fortunate for me the Manager of the store could remember who the District Manager is. I ended up finding a way to take care of the patient and found that this level of care was the reason he was leaving my competitor.

Would you follow through and contact the DM?

Summer flesh...

Ok...I have to get this off my chest... What is it about summer and fat people wearing next to nothing? I don't understand.

Ladies - Why would you go out in public wearing a tight cami-top and tight shorty-shorts if you weigh 300lbs? Why why why? I don't want to see your yellow armpits and sweaty cleavage! And please...just because it's hot doesn't mean you can't wear a bra. Further, big butt cheeks hanging out the bottom of your shorts is NOT sexy...particularly if they are riddled with dimples. Now, I'm not a petite woman so I know the challenges we face...BUT COME ON!...know your limits ladies!!

Gentlemen - Beer bellies do not deserve the right to have a tight tank top tucked into your shorts. If you have man-boobs please don't wear a shirt so thin that I can see your nipples. Also, if your shorts are short enough that when you squat down and one of your "buddies" falls out the side you have two problems: 1 - you forgot your underwear and 2 - your shorts are to small. One more thing...deoderant...please...deoderant.

...and that's all I have to say about that...

I am an android...

It has come to my attention that there is a significant percentage of my patients who don't think I need to have a break, eat or pee.

Case in point:

I run to the pharmacy restroom to pee (I've only been holding for 2 hours...I have developed excellent bladder capacity/control)...and emerge to find I'm being requested for a counsel. Fatty "I-didn't-brush-my-teeth-or-hair-and-smell-like-ass" Scooter Lady is complaining about having to wait for me. I apologize for the wait and counsel her (trying not to inhale through my mouth out of fear of possibly tasting her stench). Her response is more complaining and asks me why I can't go to the bathroom on my break. Wow. I want to tell her that I don't share her penchant for performing bodily function in my pants but instead say (in my sweetest, sarcastic voice), "Aw, I appreciate your concern. Thank you. You have a nice day now." ...and walk away.

In the words of my teenage daughter, "What a 'yatch'."

I think I'll send one of my techs off to learn to catheterize me and insert an NG tube so I won't have to move... Girls, I know you're reading this...I'll take volunteers now...

You can run but you can't hide...

So this weekend I am on my way to my mother's house and have to stop for gas. Now, mind you, pumping gas has become my least favorite thing to do - I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that its almost $4.00 a gallon and that I drive an SUV...but I digress... So I'm pumping gas and I suddenly hear someone shouting my name. Stupid me - I look around to see it's one of my patients...she's waving and yelling at me from her car and asking me to "wait a minute!" She comes over and wants to know if her medication is ready. (What? Are you @#$!% kidding me?) I should have run...

Not to long ago I was shopping in jewelry for some beads for my daughter when a woman comes up behind me and says, "Excuse me...I was supposed to get a refund on my prescription. Is it ready?" (What the @#$%! Are you kidding me?) So I say, "I don't know, why don't you go over to the pharmacy and see." She says, "But aren't you the pharmacist?" I can't help myself, "No, not right at this moment. Right now I'm a mommy shopping for beads for her daughter." She said I was rude. I should have run...

Another day I was shopping in my home town at a store that belongs to the chain I work for. I get stopped in the chip aisle by a man who recognizes me. The pharmacy is closed and he'd like me to dose his daughter on Tylenol. I casually apologize and say that I don't have a calculator with me...he pulls one out of his fanny pack. (Are you @#$%! kidding me! Crap!!!) I should have run...

Amazing...

My Cousin the Doctor...

There's been a bit of hoo-rah lately about patient/provider relationships...and whether there is one if the patient never really sees the provider but just chats online or via phone. Fortunately Pharmacists have been charged with determining this prior to filling prescriptions (because we have nothing better to do).

This weekend a prescription for an antibiotic was called in from Michigan for a patient residing in Washington. Odd...but maybe they travel back and forth...odd...they also get chronic meds for diabetes, heart disease and some kidney disease from this prescriber...odd...think I'll ask when they come in. The patient professed to be a physician himself (even though he didn't understand difficult jargon like "chronic" vs "acute" conditions). He tells me that he saw this prescriber 2 weeks ago for his ongoing nephritis (hmmm) and that there is a patient/provider relationship. I had left a message for the prescriber and he had never called back so the patient contacted him and asked him to call the pharmacy. Prescriber calls and gets all cranky at me because his patient's medication is not ready and demands to know why...well, I'm having a bad hair day, my pants were not dry when I left that morning and I'm wearing a pair that are too tight (because I've gained a little weight lately) and I'm a little cranky because I'm about to start my period...so I interrogate him unabashedly:

"When was the last time you saw your patient?" (last summer...)...someone is lying.
"What are we treating?" (ongoing nephritis that I saw him for last summer...)
"What is your relationship?" (he is my cousin...and I treat him) ...wasn't where I was going with that question but good information to know!
"How do you monitor his hypertension and diabetes?" (he monitors himself...) ...can I get paid for filling prescriptions and have the patients do it?

You can imagine his delight when I tell him I'm not going to fill his patient's prescription because of failure to establish provider/patient relationship. And you can imagine the patient's delight when I tell him that his cousin/provider contradicted him and said that he hadn't seen him since last summer. I ask the patient why he didn't just write a prescription for himself and he replies that he never ends up taking medication he prescribes himself...what the!!!! Ok, whatever!!!

I have to say that a little confrontation feels good when you're cranky, but it did nothing for my tight jeans or my bad hair...

Forgers....

I used to get really offended when someone would try to pass a forged prescription to me. I'd take it personally...like they think I'm that stupid (cuz I already know they're idiots)? Then I had an epiphany (spelling?) and realized that they're too stupid to know they are stupid and that they'll never know they're stupid...because they're stupid.

So, on Friday I get this stupid woman forger. She and her male cohort are so stupid they don't even see me watch them go to their car to leave (and jot down their plate number). She is stupid enough to come in today to pick it up even though we made her wait an eternity on Friday while I talked to her prescriber's office staff...duh...big red light if you have to wait more than 45 min! ...stupid... So my favorite part is when I trick them into coming in to pick up the prescription I supposedly have ready for them. I like to position them under the camera and give them the schpeeeel about how I spoke to their Dr. and that the prescription is not valid and how the office requested that I have her come in so I could have her on video in case they decide to prosecute (then I point to the camera - they always look...stupid...)...and then (for this one) I throw in the fact that there was welfare insurance involved and that that could lead to a Federal offense where she could go to prison and become Ursula's lover (I really leave that part out...sorry if I offended anyone...). I love it when they profess their innocence and act like they didn't know...stupid... I made someone cry once...but that's a story for another day....

I'll probably get shot one day going to my car...

Who's gonna pay?

Patients are quick to deem us rude if we don't say what they want to hear. One of today's patients was a perfect example... Lady walks up to counter with her cell phone stuck to her ear (I have the "no cell phone" rule in my pharmacy). My tech gives the standard "Hello, let me know when you're through with your phone call and I'll help you." Lady gets pissy, conducts her business but then can't be quiet about her rude encounter with my technician. Lady is not particularly smart...she does not provide any insurance information and is shocked that she has to pay for her medication (and yes...my technician did ask for her L&I information but she did not provide any...). Lady makes her way back to the drop off window and announces to my techncian that she is rude and wants to talk to someone else...lucky Lady...she gets me. I ask for her insurance information...she doesn't have any. No L&I claim? Nope! So...I ask the unthinkable..."So, would you like to pay for your prescription now or would you like to get the insurance information?" Lady says "I got hurt and I gave you the paper (prescription)...now I need my medication." I say "Okay, it's ready for pick-up." Lady says "I don't have to pay for it though because I got hurt." At this point I realize I'm dealing with a moron so I say "Ok, who is going to pay for your medication so you can pick it up." Lady says "Well I'm not!" I say "Well if you're not paying for your medication and I'm not paying for your medication who do you propose should pay for it?" Doe in the headlights...duh.... "I'll go talk to my employer."

I hope she didn't reproduce....

Jealous.

So, okay...I'm a bit jealous.

Usually I am the primary target when it comes to be called profane names...and, usually the best ones get saved for me. Yesterday, however, my technician beat me hands down - she got called a f---ing c---.

In retrospect I'm not really sure whose day this patient was trying to ruin - my technician's day by calling her the name or mine for getting "name upped".

So...wherever you are you welfare-white-trash-name-calling-prodigy...THANKS ALOT FOR RUINING BOTH OUR DAYS!!

Ha!!!

Why?

I really do wonder why people act the way they do when they come to the Pharmacy. The demanding, give it to me now, disrespect we sometimes tolerate is really baffling. Sometimes I wonder why we keep enduring it and why they keep doing it! Can you imagine the reception these patients would get if they acted that way in their Physician's office...?

How about the patient I fired due to profane language:
Me - "Sir, you can't use that kind of language in my Pharmacy...you'll have to have this filled somewhere else."
Patient - "You can't do that! Get back here and fill this prescription! (yelling) Get back here!!"
Imagine this same scenario in the Physician's office....
Patient - "You can't do that! Get back here and check my rash! (yelling) Get back here!!"
...how do you think that would go over at the office? hmmmmm....

How about the patient that wants us to ring out their shopping cart:
Patient - "...and ring these items too..." (cart full of items)
Me - "I'm sorry Ma'am, I can ring out 5 items or less for you...we simply have to many patients who need their prescriptions filled. You can take your prescription to a register and pay for it there with your other items though..."
Imagine this same scenario in the Physician's office...
Patient - (after examination) "Oh, Dr...these are my friends Marge, Barbara, Ann and Thelma...they'd all like an exam real quick too...we're in a hurry."

Do patients haggle over prices at the Physician's office? "I can get that colonoscopy at Dr Smith's office for $12.00 less...will you match them?"
Do patients show up at the Physician's office expecting to get something for nothing? "Dr, I'm a little short on cash. Could you do half the examination now and then finish it up next week on payday for me?"
Do patients badger the Physician to hurry up?....."Could you hurry that Pap up a bit Dr? I'm in a hurry."

Then, just when you think you can't take any more a sweet little old lady tells you how wonderful you are....or a previous patient who had been very ill comes back to tell you how much they appreciated your help...or (rare but does happen) one of those rude people you corrected but ended up helping comes back and apologizes and thanks you...

I guess that's why...

The correct way to insult...

One of my all time favorite stories is about a patient who came to the pharmacy angry (go figure) because she couldn't find the test strips she needed anywhere. Upon presenting herself at my window and finding out that we didn't have her strips she proceeded to belch forth a plethora of expletives...all of which made her look very smart. At some point during her fantastic rant I became bored and interrupted her by saying "I'm sorry, was there anything else I could help you with?" This was met with a loud "WHAT?! WHAT?!" Then she made the move that really impressed me...she said "You know what you are? You're an uppery b----! That's what you are!" (Is uppery a word?) I put on my best confused face...then the 'oh yeah' face and said "I think you meant uppity...you know, it kind of loses its effect if you don't say it right." She stood there looking at me for a moment (waiting for synapses to fire) and then did the predictable...she called me a b----. Realizing I may have insulted her intelligence, I quickly commended her by saying "That's better, keep it simple. You have a nice day now."

I'm really ready for some more imaginative names.

You should know...and hurry up!

One of my favorites is the Welfare Momma who doesn't have her insurance information but wants us to fill her child's prescription...it shouldn't be a problem because we should just 'know' her insurance information. Why not? You and I pay for it...we probably should have it, right? Anyway... Also, not only should we 'know' her information (which you should promptly pull from your a** upon request) but we need to hurry (What? Is she on her way to work?). Oh...did I mention that the prescription is dated 2 weeks ago? The best part is that it's for an antibiotic! Oh, no...wait...the best part is her fake fingernails, her shopping cart full of expensive items, her jewelry and her Coach purse (is it fake? How would I know! I don't even have one!!!)

Someone! Quick! Neuter these people!!!

The "nurse"...

How many of you have prescriptions called to your pharmacy by the "nurse"?

Recently a prescription for glyburide 5mg was called in for a patient. The patient had always been on glipizide 5mg but was seeing a new provider. A "nurse" called me from the new providers office to inform me that we had filled her patient's prescription wrong (always makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up). During our conversation the "nurse" eluded to the fact that we needed to reimburse her patient because it was our error. I pull the hard copy to find that the "nurse" that called it in is the same person I am talking to...and I remember it... I ask her to clarify at which point she says that she called in "glybizide" on our message machine. (What...is this a new hybrid I'm not aware of? ) Of course I can't help myself and I ask her to say the name of the drug again (I'm snickering a little at this point)..."glybizide". She becomes a little petulant and snotty when I tell her there is no such thing and ask her if she meant "glyburide" or "glipizide"...then she clarifies "glipizide". Now I really can't help myself and I ask her if she is the "nurse"...she says "yes". Can' stop there! ...so I say "Are you an RN?" ...a slight pause and then "No". So now I go for the juggler - "You know, you need to be more careful when you call prescriptions in. If you don't know how to say a drug you need to spell it. I understand that your education has not prepared you for this level of understanding but because you were unable to pronounce this drug correctly it was filled incorrectly..."

Prescribers! Please please please!! Have someone competent call your prescriptions in! Good God!

And one more thing...since when does any person that works in the office with a patient get to call themself "nurse"?

The Beginning

Hello everyone! Perhaps you all didn't realize what we Pharmacists (and our poor Technicians) deal with on a day to day basis... As stories appear please remember to mind your manners when you're in the Pharmacy! Hee hee hee hee hee!!!