One of my all time favorite stories is about a patient who came to the pharmacy angry (go figure) because she couldn't find the test strips she needed anywhere. Upon presenting herself at my window and finding out that we didn't have her strips she proceeded to belch forth a plethora of expletives...all of which made her look very smart. At some point during her fantastic rant I became bored and interrupted her by saying "I'm sorry, was there anything else I could help you with?" This was met with a loud "WHAT?! WHAT?!" Then she made the move that really impressed me...she said "You know what you are? You're an uppery b----! That's what you are!" (Is uppery a word?) I put on my best confused face...then the 'oh yeah' face and said "I think you meant uppity...you know, it kind of loses its effect if you don't say it right." She stood there looking at me for a moment (waiting for synapses to fire) and then did the predictable...she called me a b----. Realizing I may have insulted her intelligence, I quickly commended her by saying "That's better, keep it simple. You have a nice day now."
I'm really ready for some more imaginative names.