Thursday, May 28, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Cougars Amongst Us...

I have a new intern (my first is in China right now...due back in a couple weeks). He's, eager to learn, empathetic, kind...fresh meat to my evil patients. I do my best to keep him challenged because I remember a few preceptors treating me as nothing more than a machine to count by fives or answer the phone...challenging him every day has become my biggest challenge. When the hell did these students get so smart?

These two interns make me remember when everything was new and I was going to change the world...make every asshole patient feel ashamed when I showed them kindness and concern...make Physicians see my worth as a colleague...make everyone see the error in their ways and how they perceive Pharmacists and Pharmacy in general. Where did all those visions of grandeur go? I wonder when the delusions about my influence subsided...I don't remember's sort of like just gradually realizing that Santa doesn't exist. I don't want to get sucked too deep into this and lose my sense of humor (and possibly my sarcasm - that would be catastrophic) but I sort of miss really believing that I could make a difference (and the presents from Santa...) and that my patients and fellow colleagues respect me. I hope my two precious Cougars don't lose really is beautiful and refreshing...and gives me transient moments of hope.

That occurs to me that perhaps internships aren't really about what we can teach our students but rather what our students can teach us...

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Prepare for another pandemic...

I was soooo excited to receive notice that I can now bill the State for Plan B without a prescription. Yes!! Everyone on Welfare gets to fuck irresponsibly and for free! these Welfare-ites (who don't work and obviously have lots of extra time on their hands for fucking) can come in and get unlimited quantities of not just condoms, but unlimited quantities of Plan B (about $50.00 retail). I guess I should be really happy that these individuals are going to be less likely to increase the size of their litter (which you and I are forced to pay for)...and maybe get lucky enough to take it in succession enough times to throw a clot (oh...I didn't mean that...wait...yes I did....).

It occurs to me that maybe the State may be trying to increase revenue to Pharmacies...back-door style... See, these Welfare-ites are not going to use condoms now (condoms are tricky...they don't come with a users manual...and, even if they did most of those Welfare-ites wouldn't be able to read the instructions anyway...that's why they each have about 6 in their litter...). This is like a Carnival; have unprotected sex and your prize is free Plan B. What the State isn't doing is providing "Sex-Ed" (yes I know they gave us that in Junior High...but how many of your Welfare-ites made it to Junior High? Yeah...that's what I thought...) these people are now going to be the "STD petri-dish" of society and we get to dispense all their antibiotics.

So...I'm beefing up the antibiotic stock in my Pharmacy in preparation for the new Pandemic that's going to put Swine Flu to shame...the "Stupid Fucker" Pandemic.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Dear Paulina....

Dear Paulina,

I received your fax clarifying the prescription for the patient that you originally called in on my voice mail. I also noticed the small note in the upper right corner saying that I had not been nice to you.

Pursuant to your faxed note, I would like to apologize for calling you back to get clarification on the name of the drug, quantity, patient name and date of birth as well as prescriber information; it was never my intent to offend you by making you responsible for the lacking information. In retrospect, I was probably a little impatient after being placed on hold for seven minutes only to find you didn't have any answers for me - I should be more understanding of your work load as the 400+ prescriptions I am responsible for each day is probably a pittance compared to having to sit behind a desk and be cute and perky all day. I would also like to apologize for not understanding your accent through your gum smacking.

I hope you'll accept this letter, fingernail file and pack of gum as apology.

Ms. Mean