I am an android...

It has come to my attention that there is a significant percentage of my patients who don't think I need to have a break, eat or pee.

Case in point:

I run to the pharmacy restroom to pee (I've only been holding for 2 hours...I have developed excellent bladder capacity/control)...and emerge to find I'm being requested for a counsel. Fatty "I-didn't-brush-my-teeth-or-hair-and-smell-like-ass" Scooter Lady is complaining about having to wait for me. I apologize for the wait and counsel her (trying not to inhale through my mouth out of fear of possibly tasting her stench). Her response is more complaining and asks me why I can't go to the bathroom on my break. Wow. I want to tell her that I don't share her penchant for performing bodily function in my pants but instead say (in my sweetest, sarcastic voice), "Aw, I appreciate your concern. Thank you. You have a nice day now." ...and walk away.

In the words of my teenage daughter, "What a 'yatch'."

I think I'll send one of my techs off to learn to catheterize me and insert an NG tube so I won't have to move... Girls, I know you're reading this...I'll take volunteers now...