Was that your nipple?

I know it's been hot. Everyone is sweaty and looking for a way to stay cool. Shorts, tank tops, bathing suits...I've seen it all...until Friday....

To the lady who came in wearing a "shortie" blue tye-dyed shortie shirt...thank you for the "peek-boo". Could you please make sure your shirt is longer than your tits next time...or perhaps wear a bra? I thought you had a mole on your belly...good thing I didn't ask if you needed counseling on that...

The Thank You...

Over the years I've received a few thanks. There are some that really stick out in my mind...you know the ones...where the patient physically comes in after you've advised them and they thank you and make you feel competent and worthwhile. It's those rare rays of sunshine that make you remember why you get up and do what you do every day...those rare rays of sunshine that warm you after the loooooong winters of bitching from other ungrateful patients.

Recently my company changed management. I lost my beloved Old Boss and got one that is not a Pharmacist and whom does not really know what I do. New Boss is not a bad person (...recent events could prove me wrong...we will see...)...New Boss is just in waaaay too deep and should never have been allowed to get the job, let alone apply. That said...I really don't have anyone to impress anymore. Old Boss was like a parent that I wanted to please and receive praise from - New Boss doesn't know what the hell is going on so anything New Boss has to say really doesn't matter to me (...sure, go ahead and tell me I'm doing great, but you don't really know what a great job is so your compliments or constructive criticisms carry no weight...just stay outa my Pharmacy and let me do my job...know what I mean folks!?...).

Last week one of my technicians called me in the middle of my vacation. I expected to hear about some drama that I needed to come in and deal with (...probably Store Management related because as you know "when the cat's away the mice will play"...ignorant dumbasses always meddling with my Pharmacy when I'm not there...)...but what she called to tell me was not expected. She said that everything was fine but that they were really looking forward to me coming back...and that they didn't realize how much I did....DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I DID...(lemme say that again....)...DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH I DID...

Thank you for that acknowledgement. Thank you for putting me at ease for the rest of my vacation. Thank you for making me feel important and needed. Thank you for compensating for a New Boss's inability to make me feel all that I mentioned above...

To my tech that called me...you know who you are...Thank You...

"Oxy-Morons"

Can I tell you how sick I am of people trying to pass forged prescriptions for oxycodone/Oxycontin to me? Here are the rules if you want to trick me:

1) Spell check your work... If you misspell the city, state or clinic name it's sort of a dead giveaway...

2) Don't be greedy... #270 Oxycontin 80mg usually sets off a few bells and whistles...especially when you want to pay cash...

3) Make sure the prescribers phone number is right... Now, I know you know I'm going to call...that's why you set up the phone number with a fake message system that acts like the prescribers office. I didn't go to no fancy school or nuthin' but...COME ON...do you think I don't have a vast prescriber profile with a number that doesn't include the one you're forging for?

4) Stop using the same paper... If I catch one of your forgeries I would recommend that you change the watermark and color of the next ones you try to pass me.

5) Get the DEA number right... Nuf said.

6) Wear clean underwear... I'm going to trap you and have you arrested. The fellow last month got thrown to the cement and his panties were hanging out...tightie-whities were not so whitie...

7) Don't be so friendly at the counter... Schmoozing only works when chocolate is involved...anything else calls attention to you and makes me wonder "what's up".

8) Don't use a prescriber that is no longer practicing... You really are a moron if I have to elaborate on this...

9) ...and finally... Don't call and ask me if it's ready... It will always be ready...and so will security in the store (to detain you), and 911 will be called (to alert them you're coming), and the prescriber will be called (to make sure they press charges)...and, just so you know...I have a detective that I am on a first name basis with because my pharmacy is his main bread and butter (I wish he was hot...but he's not...poo...)... Oh yeah...and I like to tell you that it will be ready at a time when there's a good line of patients waiting so you'll be sure to have an audience (hence number 6...as a courtesy...)...

...there...that should level the playing field a little...

Apologies on Crystal...

I have not called the office yet to see if Crystal the Idiot is still there...but as soon as I return to work next week I'll call...and post ASAP...because enquiring minds want to know!!!

Follow-up on Crystal the Idiot...

So...the patient showed up today and I told him everything. He was shocked and apologized for getting sucked in. Can I just tell you how satisfying it was to tell him the WHOLE story? Finally one of those bitchy Nurses gets her due (sorry to you sweet Nurses out there...I know you're not all bad...).

...and yes, I am calling Monday to see if Crystal is still employed....YATCH.

Totally true...I SWEAR!

Okay...settle in...this is a bit long, but worth the read... If this hadn't happened to me I wouldn't believe it so don't feel bad if you have to comment me and ask..."Are you fucking kidding me?"...

Here goes...

On Friday we had a patient call asking about his medication that was supposed to be called or faxed in to us...he's a new patient. We had nothing on file, sent or called in. He was mad (I know, I know...it's my fault...). About 45 minutes later my tech, Mary (yes that's her name...I wrote it...so ease up when you're reading it Mary...there are lots of people named Mary...it's not like I posted your fingerprint!!), says "There's a rude nurse on the line asking for a Pharmacist". I pick up the line and Mary is right, the nurse is really rude...and PSYCHO! The nurses name is Crystal (yes that's her real name too...). Crystal tells me that my tech is incompetent and so am I and that is why we work where we do...then tells me she's going to give me a prescription for a patient and she wants it filled right and soon because he is going to be there that evening. This is how the rest of our conversations (yes...that is plural...) went:

Me - Don't insult my staff or the company I work for.
Crystal - Just take the prescription - it's for...
Me - (interrupting)...Did you hear what I said?
Crystal - Shut the fuck up and take the prescription you...CLICK (that's me hanging up)

...about 5 minutes later Crystal calls back...I answer (lucky me)...

Crystal - I want to speak to the Store Manager.
Me - (pretending I don't know who she is) I'm sorry, you've reached the Pharmacy and we have dedicated lines...you'll have to call the store.
Crystal - Who is this?
Me - (I give her my name)
Crystal - You hung up on me! I want to speak with the Store Manager!! (yelling)
Me - Yes I did because of your language. You can call the store and speak to the Manager as much as you want but he has no authority in my Pharmacy.
Crystal - Give me the number.
Me - I'm sorry, I don't have that number...but I'm sure you can get it from 411.
Crystal - I'm gonna fucking CLICK (that's me hanging up)

...so...now I'm annoyed (I was entertained a little at first)...and I page the Physician...

...about 2 minutes later I get a call from an Assistant Manager in the store...

Assistant Manager - Hey, I've got some Doctor on line 2 that wants the name and number of your boss.
Me - Really (this must be the Doc I paged...)? Transfer him back.
Assistant Manager - Okay.
Assistant Manager - He doesn't want to talk to you...
Me - I paged him to call me...

...my tech interrupts me to tell me there's a Doctor holding for me...says he was paged...

Me - (to Assistant Manager)...hold on...
Me - (to Doctor holding on our line) How may I help you?

....now it gets juicy...

The Doctor on my Pharmacy line is the one I paged...the person saying he's the Doctor on line 2 in the store is the person Crystal had call in to impersonate the Doctor she works for. YES! I SHIT YOU NOT!!! (...Jerry Springer is coming to mind right about now...). So the real Doctor and I have a little chat...he gets to find out what his nurse has been up to. You can imagine his delight at having someone impersonating him. He apologizes multiple times. I think he was really embarrassed. He tells me that he thinks she has gone home for the day but will address it on Monday immediately. About this time a fax comes through for the patient Crystal was calling me about...hot off the press...so I tell the Doctor "No, I think she is still there because I just received a fax from her for your patient." Now he's really pissed because he had written it that morning... He abruptly ends our call with another apology and thanks saying that he's going to call the back line to his office...

Can I get a poll from you readers? Who thinks Crystal is going to have a job after Monday?

Cougars Amongst Us...

I have a new intern (my first is in China right now...due back in a couple weeks). He's great...smart, eager to learn, empathetic, kind...fresh meat to my evil patients. I do my best to keep him challenged because I remember a few preceptors treating me as nothing more than a machine to count by fives or answer the phone...challenging him every day has become my biggest challenge. When the hell did these students get so smart?

These two interns make me remember when everything was new and I was going to change the world...make every asshole patient feel ashamed when I showed them kindness and concern...make Physicians see my worth as a colleague...make everyone see the error in their ways and how they perceive Pharmacists and Pharmacy in general. Where did all those visions of grandeur go? I wonder when the delusions about my influence subsided...I don't remember it...it's sort of like just gradually realizing that Santa doesn't exist. I don't want to get sucked too deep into this and lose my sense of humor (and possibly my sarcasm - that would be catastrophic) but I sort of miss really believing that I could make a difference (and the presents from Santa...) and that my patients and fellow colleagues respect me. I hope my two precious Cougars don't lose this...it really is beautiful and refreshing...and gives me transient moments of hope.

That said...it occurs to me that perhaps internships aren't really about what we can teach our students but rather what our students can teach us...

Prepare for another pandemic...

I was soooo excited to receive notice that I can now bill the State for Plan B without a prescription. Yes!! Everyone on Welfare gets to fuck irresponsibly and for free! See...now these Welfare-ites (who don't work and obviously have lots of extra time on their hands for fucking) can come in and get unlimited quantities of not just condoms, but unlimited quantities of Plan B (about $50.00 retail). I guess I should be really happy that these individuals are going to be less likely to increase the size of their litter (which you and I are forced to pay for)...and maybe get lucky enough to take it in succession enough times to throw a clot (oh...I didn't mean that...wait...yes I did....).

It occurs to me that maybe the State may be trying to increase revenue to Pharmacies...back-door style... See, these Welfare-ites are not going to use condoms now (condoms are tricky...they don't come with a users manual...and, even if they did most of those Welfare-ites wouldn't be able to read the instructions anyway...that's why they each have about 6 in their litter...). This is like a Carnival; have unprotected sex and your prize is free Plan B. What the State isn't doing is providing "Sex-Ed" (yes I know they gave us that in Junior High...but how many of your Welfare-ites made it to Junior High? Yeah...that's what I thought...)...so these people are now going to be the "STD petri-dish" of society and we get to dispense all their antibiotics.

So...I'm beefing up the antibiotic stock in my Pharmacy in preparation for the new Pandemic that's going to put Swine Flu to shame...the "Stupid Fucker" Pandemic.

Dear Paulina....

Dear Paulina,

I received your fax clarifying the prescription for the patient that you originally called in on my voice mail. I also noticed the small note in the upper right corner saying that I had not been nice to you.

Pursuant to your faxed note, I would like to apologize for calling you back to get clarification on the name of the drug, quantity, patient name and date of birth as well as prescriber information; it was never my intent to offend you by making you responsible for the lacking information. In retrospect, I was probably a little impatient after being placed on hold for seven minutes only to find you didn't have any answers for me - I should be more understanding of your work load as the 400+ prescriptions I am responsible for each day is probably a pittance compared to having to sit behind a desk and be cute and perky all day. I would also like to apologize for not understanding your accent through your gum smacking.

I hope you'll accept this letter, fingernail file and pack of gum as apology.

Sincerely,
Ms. Mean

Lookin' good, smellin' pretty and feelin' lucky...

So one of my OTC stockers (let's call her May...) comes to me yesterday giggling her ass off...she tells me the following story:

It's Friday night and May is stocking in the feminine hygiene aisle when a nicely dressed female customer comes along and starts scoping out the feminine hygiene sprays. It's not uncommon for a customer to squirt a little spray out to sniff it and see what it smells like (does it really smell like fresh linen or moldy towels?)...no big deal. Apparently this customer wasn't just squirting and sniffing... May tells me that the customer was 'trying on' the sprays on her wrist and that after she found her scent of choice she hosed herself down with it. I asked for clarification..."What do you mean 'hosed herself down'?" May says, "You know, like in those Axe commercials for men..." (now I'm laughing my ass off envisioning the female version of an Axe commercial...smell like one big Baby Powder Vagina and hot men will flock to you...) So I ask if she bought the spray and May says that the customer just 'hosed down', recapped the spray, put it back on the shelf and walked away...

...after the 'hose-down' I wonder if she went over to cosmetics for glitter spray...

The "Pharmacy Zone"...

Murphy's Law dictates that once a patient enters the "Pharmacy-Zone" any shred of common sense or intelligence they previously had disappears (although I doubt that many of my patients ever had any anyway...except for my three favorites that still have all their teeth and can put whole sentences together). Sometimes I daydream about what I would really like to say...

Me: "Good morning, how are you?"
Patient: (sigh!) "I'm in a hurry...how long is this going to take you?"
Me: "About 30 minutes."
Patient: "That long?"
Me: "Well hold on a second and let me see if I can pull some out of my ass."

Me: "Ma'am we need your insurance information to bill your prescription."
Patient: (exasperated) "I gave that to Walgreens already!"
Me: "This isn't Walgreens."
Patient: (snort) "So call and get it from Walgreens - I don't have it with me."
Me: "Listen bitch...you can call Walgreens yourself. Your insurance is your responsibility...and, no, you may not use my phone. So take your no-workin', Welfare-usin' little self to the back of the line and figure out a way to dial Walgreens on your cell phone with those nasty-ass, dirty acrylic nails and get your own insurance information."

Me: "Ok, it'll be about 30 minutes."
Patient: "Are you kidding me!? That long?"
Me: (shrugging) "What...you've had this prescription for a month and now you're worried about how long it's going to take to get it?"

Me: "We'll see you in about 30 minutes."
Patient: (DSHS) "I'm in a hurry. I have somewhere to be. I need it faster than that."
Me: (sarcastic) "What...did you get a job or something?"

Me: "You have a question for the Pharmacist?"
Patient: "Yeah...where is the deodorant?"
Me: "Are you kidding me! You interrupted me for this shit? Do I look like directory assistance? Dumbass..."

Me: (going to counsel) "Hi..."
Patient: (interrupts and holds out hand for meds) "I'm a "Nurse" - I don't need counsel."
Me: "Really? Are you a RN...or just one of those glorified butt-wipers masquerading around as a "Nurse"?"

Me: "May I have your current insurance information?"
Patient: (snotty) "It's medical coupon! My prescriptions are free! Just look it up on your computer."
Me: "Free? Nothing is free you idiot...what you mean to say is that everyone who works is paying for your medication and medical. I suggest you step aside and find your own insurance information so I can help the rest of the patients in line get their medicine so they can go off to work and support your lazy ass with their hard earned tax dollars...bitch..."

Me: (responding to mad patient) "How may I help you?"
Patient: "I need this filled right away! I just sat out in your drive-thru for 20 minutes ringing the bell and no one came! Now I'm going to be late for work!"
Me: So...let me get this straight... You ignored the "closed" signs over both lanes and then spent 20 minutes pushing a button? Wow...your stupidity is surpassed only by your ignorance in admitting you did something so dumb..."

...god I love my job...

Be careful what you wish for...

I really enjoy my days off because I get so few. More often that not, one of my patients finds out that I have a day off and has to come into my Pharmacy and be a big enough asshole that my staff has to call me. This weekend (my weekend off) was a prime example...

So...I get not one, but two phone calls about the same patient - one from the floating Pharmacist and one from a member of Management in the store. Long story short is that a patient called complaining that we shorted him zolpidem (only gave him 6...yeah right...), Pharmacist confirmed our on-hands as correct (Yeah team! Good job double counting!) and told the patient he'd have to speak to the Pharmacy Manager on Monday, the patient told him he was coming in and that it better be ready (yeah right...like you get to dictate) and when it wasn't ready he went to store Management and said he was going to get 20 friends to protest the store unless he got his drugs (gotta give him credit for being tenacious!...stupid, but tenacious...). I tell everyone involved that I will deal with him on Monday...

Monday...sweet Monday...ahhhhhh...anticipation of this ridiculous confrontation that is not going to go well because I'm not giving him a damn thing...and then the phone rings...."Who is the opening Pharmacist?" Yep, you guessed it...not only do I have to deal with Mr. zolpidem but also a no-show Pharmacist with only 5 minutes to open...and (yes, you guessed it) by the way, Mr. zolpidem is there waiting. FABULOUS!!

After I arrive and we enter the Pharmacy and see Mr. zolpidem waiting to pounce on me it occurs to me that I had intended to go about things the wrong way...I view his profile and find that Mr. zolpidem has filled 120 days worth of drug in 30 days (cash paying customers fly under the radar in our system unless you look at their profile or know them...and apparently the floating Pharmacists coming through my Pharmacy were not curious...). I decide I'm going to give Mr. zolpidem what he wants...

The doors open and he pounces directly upon my consultation window (now I'm salivating)...I print out his fill history (giggling in my little head)...our conversation went something like this:

Me - Hello Mr. zolpidem. I spoke to the Pharmacist and Management this weekend from home while you were here and I understand you allege you were shorted some zolpidem.
Him - Yes. I only got 6. Did you get the fax from Corporate? I was on the phone with them this morning and they faxed you two hours ago about this (gloating...ready to begin the fight...).
Me - No, I did not receive a fax (get ready for the smack-down Mr. zolpidem). I don't know who you spoke to, but they are obviously uninformed about what type of authority they have in my Pharmacy. Regardless, I'm not interested in arguing about the shortage of drug...I think that is a lose lose conversation...I'm refunding you the money you paid for your last fill because our on-hands are correct and I'm unable to justify dispensing more drug. What I'm really concerned about is your safety...
Him - What do you mean?
Me - You've refilled 120 zolpidem in the last 30 days...can you explain this history for me?
Him - Like I told your other Pharmacist - I do a lot of traveling.
Me - A day is a day...traveling out of state doesn't change that...I'm very concerned about your zolpidem usage. So, in addition to refunding what you paid for your last fill I'm going to fax a copy of your refill history for the last 6 months to your prescriber...we should never have filled this prescription for you with this frequency and he needs to be informed of the error. In fact...according to my calculations we will not be able to fill any more zolpidem for you until the end of July or first part of August...
Him - Well...I'm going to see him today...so I'll tell him. You don't need to fax him.
Me - That is great...I've already faxed him so your appointment will be timely enough for him to review my fax prior to your arrival.

...he says nothing as I give him his refund...

Me - Please let your Doctor know that if he has any questions that he can call me...and you have a nice day (turning to leave)...
Him - Wait a minute...don't you want to take a look at this (shows me a receipt from us with lots of notes about his fill and his conversations with people during his rant this weekend)?
Me - (He hasn't got to fight with me...which is really what he came for...now's my chance to really steal his fire...) No...it's not really relevant to the issue at hand, but thank you. You have a nice day and feel free to call me if you have any further questions.

I hope that shit-sandwich he spent all weekend making tasted good...

Yesterday's Pharmacy Hero...

How many patients really approach the counter with the intent to just pick up their medication? I mean it, really... Most patients come to the pick-up counter to haggle over the price, act surprised that we didn't have their new insurance information that they didn't give us, be pissed because the refill they requested last year isn't still ready for them, to yell at us because their doctor's office didn't fax or call their refill in or to ask us to ring up their groceries. I've gone over what I'd really like to say to each pain-in-the-ass that approaches the counter with profound intent to waste our time...but, as you know, we really aren't allowed to be assholes back. Yesterday I had a patient become my hero...

So, patient Pain-in-the-Ass (PITA) gets to the counter to find that her prescriber has only called in one of her four medications...she's pissed (big surprise)..."I was sitting right there when he faxed my prescriptions! You got one, now where are the rest?!" My Assistant can't help her and tries to direct her to the next window where we can help her...PITA is not listening...she continues to bitch...

...the line behind her gets longer...

"What is wrong with this Pharmacy?! You always screw things up!" My Assistant tries to redirect again... "Look my name up again. I know it's here. I watched him do it!"

...the line is getting longer....

I look up her name and host her profile to find that her prescriber had faxed one of the missing prescriptions to a pharmacy in another city...

...the line is getting longer...

PITA comes to my window to continue her rant...so, I let her yell (so I can make an ass of her in front of everyone). When she's done I tell her that she is right...her prescriber did fax her prescriptions in, but only one and to the wrong pharmacy and that it is filled and has been waiting for her since yesterday. PITA demands to know where the other two prescriptions are...so I say (loud enough for all those who have endured her bullshit for the last 15 minutes to hear) "I have no idea where your Doctor chose to send your other prescriptions. He told you he was sending everything to me but chose to send one to me and one to Auburn...perhaps you should call him and ask him where he wanted you to go for the other two."

PITA goes back to the register to pick up the one prescription that is ready and proceeds to continue to bitch to my Assistant...ENTER MY HERO (old lady walking from the back of the line)....

HERO: Lady? Are you gonna pick that prescription up or what? You're holding up the line.
PITA: Yes, I'm trying.
HERO: Well why don't you do a little more trying and a little less complaining...we're tired of waiting on you!

When my HERO gets to the front of the line she says, "I'm sorry about that but she was just being ridiculous. I say what I want because I'm just too old to give a shit what anyone else thinks anymore."

...I can't wait to be that old...

Every Sunday at Closing...

I really don't mind staying late to help a patient out. I know there are emergencies and unforseen circumstances that might preclude one from being able to make it to the Pharmacy on time...sick children, emergency room visit, dental agony...you get the picture. There is only one day I cannot stay late - Sunday night...I have to pick my daughter up. So (as Murphy's Law would dictate) Sunday night is the night that I get to deal with the worst patients...I dread it...in fact, I start gearing up for the random asshole at about 5:30pm. Last night was no exception...

Picture this...a perfect Sunday...nice patients all day, drive-thru is broken (ha ha ha!), paperwork is getting caught up and relatively low script volume...ahhhhhhh...harmony.... Then at about 5:55pm "White Trash" arrives. Now, White Trash called me at about 3pm to request a refill on her sleeping pill (yes...I know...she waited until we were almost closed to come get it)...what she didn't request was a change in quantity from her last fill (I should have known this you know...osmosis...)... So White Trash arrives and starts yelling (and I mean yelling) at my Assistant because she wanted more this time than she got the last time. I intervene and explain to White Trash that we can fill the remaining tablets but that it won't be ready until the next morning as we are closing. You can imagine her delight! She storms off to talk to one of the castrated members of management in the store. My staff and I pack up but before we can escape she returns for more (this is where it gets fun)... White Trash starts yelling at me again (and I think this is when she really realized that her behavior wasn't going to get her one damn thing from me) telling me I "fucked up" and that now she's going to "have to pay for my fuck up"...I let her rant...a crowd is forming... When she pauses (I assume to inhale so she can continue) I speak to her in an almost inaudible voice and say, "I'm not going to argue with you or entertain this conversation with you any further...the remaining amount of your prescription will be ready tomorrow around 11:00"...and then I walked away. She just couldn't help herself...she had to chase after me and scream, "You're a fucking bitch!" The best part was watching her husband/boyfriend observe White Trash in action while he held their toddler...I couldn't tell if the look on his face was horror or embarassment.

I chose to go back into the Pharmacy before I left and canceled her refill for the following day; she can transfer her remaining prescriptions to her Pharmacy of choice.

So...White Trash...in the words of Donald Trump - "YOU'RE FIRED!"

CAUTION: Before going to the Pharmacy, please be advised...

FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW:

1. If you are picking up your medication in drive through and are not a) physically disabled b) accompanied by screaming or deathly ill children or c) deathly ill yourself you are stupid and/or lazy. Pharmacy personel know you are stupid and/or lazy if you don't fall into the aforementioned categories and (despite your inflated sense of self importance) are not falling all over themselves to help you...that is why you sat on your lazy, stupid ass for 30 minutes waiting in the drive through when you could have been helped in 15 minutes if you had just walked your lazy, stupid ass in. Yes...I know you can't smoke in the building while you're picking up your prescription (idiot)...

2. Do not attempt to drop off or pick up your prescription (or even talk to me) while you are on your cell phone...it's rude and disrespectful. Do you talk on your cell when you're in the exam room with your Physician? Don't get bitchy when I tell you that "I'll help you when you're through with your phone conversation"...chances are you'll lose your place in line and end up behind one of the other 20 or so people who just followed you in.

3. When you come to the Pharmacy, bring your insurance information. Contrary to popular belief, the Pharmacy is NOT responsible for finding your insurance information for you...you are responsible for providing YOUR healthcare information if you want us to bill it for you. Let me make this simple for you: When you go to the grocery store and wheel your cart to the register and find that you don't have your debit or credit card...do you get mad at the cashier when he or she can't look up your bank information? Think of your insurance card as your method of payment (I know that "payment" and "responsibility" are hard concepts for you Welfare Mommas to comprehend...but try to stay with me...).

4. If the drive through lanes say "closed", chances are they are closed. Now, I know I'm assuming you all can read...my bad...the person who designed the drive through was smart enough to assume you probably couldn't (it was his/her only shred of intelligence)...they used universal colors for stop and go. So...red = stop/closed....and green = go/open. If you pull into a closed lane and ring the bell we all will know you are stupid. If you continue to ring the bell when noone answers...we will all know you are really stupid. And...if you come into the building to complain because you pulled into the closed drive through and are mad that noone helped you we will know you are lazy and stupid. This means one thing for you: Get your lazy, stupid ass in line and wait your turn.

5. If you request your prescription be filled and don't come to pick it up we will not hold it on the shelf for you indefinitely. Do not act surprised and put out when you come to pick up the prescription you called in last month and it's not ready...if you needed it you would have come to get it. Do not act surprised and put out if you were not called to come and get your medication...we are not babysitters - you are responsible for your healthcare. Do not lose your temper and yell at my staff...you will wait extra (I like to call it "time out") so you can ponder over your stupidity and bad behavior.

6. Do not attempt to purchase pseudoephedrine for any purpose other than what it is intended. You know who you are...you are a "pseudo-head"...you make meth. You're not fooling me...I see your scabby face, stained fingers and rotted teeth...and (not that you care because you are a hot mess) I can smell you. Go away...I will refuse you...and if you push, I will humiliate you in front of every patient in the pharmacy.

7. Do not ask me to sell you 3 syringes and then tell me they are for your Gramma. Bullshit. If you're desperate and need a clean needle and syringe just be honest...I won't sell you any if you lie to me.

8. Do not go to store management to resolve an issue in the Pharmacy. Address the Pharmacy with your issue if you really want to get what you need. If you are just looking to be an ass and cause trouble...go see the store management. They don't have any authority in the Pharmacy, but they are much more adept and interested in listening to your mindless ranting...I don't have the time nor the inclination to do so (plus I really like it when you've gone and ranted and then come back to the Pharmacy all full of yourself thinking you're going to get me in trouble only to find that you're not getting shit...).

9. Do not threaten to transfer your prescriptions when you are upset unless you really are intending to do so. I will call your bluff. If you are misbehaving and wasting my time I will do whatever necessary to get rid of you so I can take care of my other patients. Remember...you are not a "customer" in the Pharmacy...you are NOT always right.

10. Do not call me a name like "bitch" or "dumbass"...or say "fuck you". Do not turn to other patients and try to rabble-rouse. Any of the previous behavior will get you one thing...O-U-T...without your medication...carrying your hard-copy prescription...looking for your next Pharmacy victim...

Rant...

I have something to say...and it will only make sense to a few of you...

To the "mean"-sayer... I'm not "mean". I'm "direct". I don't plan to do malicious things to you. To the one who started this "mean"-thing I say...You know who you are...and, just to be "nice", I'm going to tell you a "direct" truth: I didn't lick the gum...you got trapped and sucked into a big mess by one of your own employees. Further, everyone you told about the gum is laughing at you behind your back and calling you a neurotic mess (yes, go take your blood pressure for the 40th time today...oh, that is probably "mean"...). At first I thought it was amusing that your gossip was backfiring on you, but then I felt sorry for you and tried to defend your ignorance. Now, since you insist on continuing with your own special brand of "mean"-ness, I just listen and laugh (maybe that is "mean"...)... I do take solace in the fact that I don't need to call home when I'm away to have someone unplug my stove for fear that someone will break in, cook a roast and burn my house down...

To the "bully"-caller... This is to the "ex". Good God! Shut up! Stop telling everyone how I "bullied" you! My reputation will be ruined if they find out I "bullied" you into letting me pay all your bills for more than 3 months after I divorced you and you moved out... Please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into not paying child support for 3 months so you could get on your feet... Please oh please don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into letting me pay your first and last months rent, damage and pet deposit on your new place... Don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into cancelling medical coverage for our daughter so I could cover her on my own... I would just die if you told anyone how I "bullied" you into not working more than 20 hours each week for the last 2 years of our marriage and "bullied" you into letting me hire a maid to clean up after you while I was working 12 hour shifts... And, most recently...please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into letting me pay for our daughter's car, Drivers Ed and car insurance all on my own - that could be catastophic for my reputation...I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm "nice" or anything...

Gone too long...

Wow...June of last year...that is a long time...

Welcome back to me!!