FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW:
1. If you are picking up your medication in drive through and are not a) physically disabled b) accompanied by screaming or deathly ill children or c) deathly ill yourself you are stupid and/or lazy. Pharmacy personel know you are stupid and/or lazy if you don't fall into the aforementioned categories and (despite your inflated sense of self importance) are not falling all over themselves to help you...that is why you sat on your lazy, stupid ass for 30 minutes waiting in the drive through when you could have been helped in 15 minutes if you had just walked your lazy, stupid ass in. Yes...I know you can't smoke in the building while you're picking up your prescription (idiot)...
2. Do not attempt to drop off or pick up your prescription (or even talk to me) while you are on your cell phone...it's rude and disrespectful. Do you talk on your cell when you're in the exam room with your Physician? Don't get bitchy when I tell you that "I'll help you when you're through with your phone conversation"...chances are you'll lose your place in line and end up behind one of the other 20 or so people who just followed you in.
3. When you come to the Pharmacy, bring your insurance information. Contrary to popular belief, the Pharmacy is NOT responsible for finding your insurance information for you...you are responsible for providing YOUR healthcare information if you want us to bill it for you. Let me make this simple for you: When you go to the grocery store and wheel your cart to the register and find that you don't have your debit or credit card...do you get mad at the cashier when he or she can't look up your bank information? Think of your insurance card as your method of payment (I know that "payment" and "responsibility" are hard concepts for you Welfare Mommas to comprehend...but try to stay with me...).
4. If the drive through lanes say "closed", chances are they are closed. Now, I know I'm assuming you all can read...my bad...the person who designed the drive through was smart enough to assume you probably couldn't (it was his/her only shred of intelligence)...they used universal colors for stop and go. So...red = stop/closed....and green = go/open. If you pull into a closed lane and ring the bell we all will know you are stupid. If you continue to ring the bell when noone answers...we will all know you are really stupid. And...if you come into the building to complain because you pulled into the closed drive through and are mad that noone helped you we will know you are lazy and stupid. This means one thing for you: Get your lazy, stupid ass in line and wait your turn.
5. If you request your prescription be filled and don't come to pick it up we will not hold it on the shelf for you indefinitely. Do not act surprised and put out when you come to pick up the prescription you called in last month and it's not ready...if you needed it you would have come to get it. Do not act surprised and put out if you were not called to come and get your medication...we are not babysitters - you are responsible for your healthcare. Do not lose your temper and yell at my staff...you will wait extra (I like to call it "time out") so you can ponder over your stupidity and bad behavior.
6. Do not attempt to purchase pseudoephedrine for any purpose other than what it is intended. You know who you are...you are a "pseudo-head"...you make meth. You're not fooling me...I see your scabby face, stained fingers and rotted teeth...and (not that you care because you are a hot mess) I can smell you. Go away...I will refuse you...and if you push, I will humiliate you in front of every patient in the pharmacy.
7. Do not ask me to sell you 3 syringes and then tell me they are for your Gramma. Bullshit. If you're desperate and need a clean needle and syringe just be honest...I won't sell you any if you lie to me.
8. Do not go to store management to resolve an issue in the Pharmacy. Address the Pharmacy with your issue if you really want to get what you need. If you are just looking to be an ass and cause trouble...go see the store management. They don't have any authority in the Pharmacy, but they are much more adept and interested in listening to your mindless ranting...I don't have the time nor the inclination to do so (plus I really like it when you've gone and ranted and then come back to the Pharmacy all full of yourself thinking you're going to get me in trouble only to find that you're not getting shit...).
9. Do not threaten to transfer your prescriptions when you are upset unless you really are intending to do so. I will call your bluff. If you are misbehaving and wasting my time I will do whatever necessary to get rid of you so I can take care of my other patients. Remember...you are not a "customer" in the Pharmacy...you are NOT always right.
10. Do not call me a name like "bitch" or "dumbass"...or say "fuck you". Do not turn to other patients and try to rabble-rouse. Any of the previous behavior will get you one thing...O-U-T...without your medication...carrying your hard-copy prescription...looking for your next Pharmacy victim...