I really don't mind staying late to help a patient out. I know there are emergencies and unforseen circumstances that might preclude one from being able to make it to the Pharmacy on time...sick children, emergency room visit, dental agony...you get the picture. There is only one day I cannot stay late - Sunday night...I have to pick my daughter up. So (as Murphy's Law would dictate) Sunday night is the night that I get to deal with the worst patients...I dread it...in fact, I start gearing up for the random asshole at about 5:30pm. Last night was no exception...
Picture this...a perfect Sunday...nice patients all day, drive-thru is broken (ha ha ha!), paperwork is getting caught up and relatively low script volume...ahhhhhhh...harmony.... Then at about 5:55pm "White Trash" arrives. Now, White Trash called me at about 3pm to request a refill on her sleeping pill (yes...I know...she waited until we were almost closed to come get it)...what she didn't request was a change in quantity from her last fill (I should have known this you know...osmosis...)... So White Trash arrives and starts yelling (and I mean yelling) at my Assistant because she wanted more this time than she got the last time. I intervene and explain to White Trash that we can fill the remaining tablets but that it won't be ready until the next morning as we are closing. You can imagine her delight! She storms off to talk to one of the castrated members of management in the store. My staff and I pack up but before we can escape she returns for more (this is where it gets fun)... White Trash starts yelling at me again (and I think this is when she really realized that her behavior wasn't going to get her one damn thing from me) telling me I "fucked up" and that now she's going to "have to pay for my fuck up"...I let her rant...a crowd is forming... When she pauses (I assume to inhale so she can continue) I speak to her in an almost inaudible voice and say, "I'm not going to argue with you or entertain this conversation with you any further...the remaining amount of your prescription will be ready tomorrow around 11:00"...and then I walked away. She just couldn't help herself...she had to chase after me and scream, "You're a fucking bitch!" The best part was watching her husband/boyfriend observe White Trash in action while he held their toddler...I couldn't tell if the look on his face was horror or embarassment.
I chose to go back into the Pharmacy before I left and canceled her refill for the following day; she can transfer her remaining prescriptions to her Pharmacy of choice.
So...White Trash...in the words of Donald Trump - "YOU'RE FIRED!"
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
CAUTION: Before going to the Pharmacy, please be advised...
FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW:
1. If you are picking up your medication in drive through and are not a) physically disabled b) accompanied by screaming or deathly ill children or c) deathly ill yourself you are stupid and/or lazy. Pharmacy personel know you are stupid and/or lazy if you don't fall into the aforementioned categories and (despite your inflated sense of self importance) are not falling all over themselves to help you...that is why you sat on your lazy, stupid ass for 30 minutes waiting in the drive through when you could have been helped in 15 minutes if you had just walked your lazy, stupid ass in. Yes...I know you can't smoke in the building while you're picking up your prescription (idiot)...
2. Do not attempt to drop off or pick up your prescription (or even talk to me) while you are on your cell phone...it's rude and disrespectful. Do you talk on your cell when you're in the exam room with your Physician? Don't get bitchy when I tell you that "I'll help you when you're through with your phone conversation"...chances are you'll lose your place in line and end up behind one of the other 20 or so people who just followed you in.
3. When you come to the Pharmacy, bring your insurance information. Contrary to popular belief, the Pharmacy is NOT responsible for finding your insurance information for you...you are responsible for providing YOUR healthcare information if you want us to bill it for you. Let me make this simple for you: When you go to the grocery store and wheel your cart to the register and find that you don't have your debit or credit card...do you get mad at the cashier when he or she can't look up your bank information? Think of your insurance card as your method of payment (I know that "payment" and "responsibility" are hard concepts for you Welfare Mommas to comprehend...but try to stay with me...).
4. If the drive through lanes say "closed", chances are they are closed. Now, I know I'm assuming you all can read...my bad...the person who designed the drive through was smart enough to assume you probably couldn't (it was his/her only shred of intelligence)...they used universal colors for stop and go. So...red = stop/closed....and green = go/open. If you pull into a closed lane and ring the bell we all will know you are stupid. If you continue to ring the bell when noone answers...we will all know you are really stupid. And...if you come into the building to complain because you pulled into the closed drive through and are mad that noone helped you we will know you are lazy and stupid. This means one thing for you: Get your lazy, stupid ass in line and wait your turn.
5. If you request your prescription be filled and don't come to pick it up we will not hold it on the shelf for you indefinitely. Do not act surprised and put out when you come to pick up the prescription you called in last month and it's not ready...if you needed it you would have come to get it. Do not act surprised and put out if you were not called to come and get your medication...we are not babysitters - you are responsible for your healthcare. Do not lose your temper and yell at my staff...you will wait extra (I like to call it "time out") so you can ponder over your stupidity and bad behavior.
6. Do not attempt to purchase pseudoephedrine for any purpose other than what it is intended. You know who you are...you are a "pseudo-head"...you make meth. You're not fooling me...I see your scabby face, stained fingers and rotted teeth...and (not that you care because you are a hot mess) I can smell you. Go away...I will refuse you...and if you push, I will humiliate you in front of every patient in the pharmacy.
7. Do not ask me to sell you 3 syringes and then tell me they are for your Gramma. Bullshit. If you're desperate and need a clean needle and syringe just be honest...I won't sell you any if you lie to me.
8. Do not go to store management to resolve an issue in the Pharmacy. Address the Pharmacy with your issue if you really want to get what you need. If you are just looking to be an ass and cause trouble...go see the store management. They don't have any authority in the Pharmacy, but they are much more adept and interested in listening to your mindless ranting...I don't have the time nor the inclination to do so (plus I really like it when you've gone and ranted and then come back to the Pharmacy all full of yourself thinking you're going to get me in trouble only to find that you're not getting shit...).
9. Do not threaten to transfer your prescriptions when you are upset unless you really are intending to do so. I will call your bluff. If you are misbehaving and wasting my time I will do whatever necessary to get rid of you so I can take care of my other patients. Remember...you are not a "customer" in the Pharmacy...you are NOT always right.
10. Do not call me a name like "bitch" or "dumbass"...or say "fuck you". Do not turn to other patients and try to rabble-rouse. Any of the previous behavior will get you one thing...O-U-T...without your medication...carrying your hard-copy prescription...looking for your next Pharmacy victim...
1. If you are picking up your medication in drive through and are not a) physically disabled b) accompanied by screaming or deathly ill children or c) deathly ill yourself you are stupid and/or lazy. Pharmacy personel know you are stupid and/or lazy if you don't fall into the aforementioned categories and (despite your inflated sense of self importance) are not falling all over themselves to help you...that is why you sat on your lazy, stupid ass for 30 minutes waiting in the drive through when you could have been helped in 15 minutes if you had just walked your lazy, stupid ass in. Yes...I know you can't smoke in the building while you're picking up your prescription (idiot)...
2. Do not attempt to drop off or pick up your prescription (or even talk to me) while you are on your cell phone...it's rude and disrespectful. Do you talk on your cell when you're in the exam room with your Physician? Don't get bitchy when I tell you that "I'll help you when you're through with your phone conversation"...chances are you'll lose your place in line and end up behind one of the other 20 or so people who just followed you in.
3. When you come to the Pharmacy, bring your insurance information. Contrary to popular belief, the Pharmacy is NOT responsible for finding your insurance information for you...you are responsible for providing YOUR healthcare information if you want us to bill it for you. Let me make this simple for you: When you go to the grocery store and wheel your cart to the register and find that you don't have your debit or credit card...do you get mad at the cashier when he or she can't look up your bank information? Think of your insurance card as your method of payment (I know that "payment" and "responsibility" are hard concepts for you Welfare Mommas to comprehend...but try to stay with me...).
4. If the drive through lanes say "closed", chances are they are closed. Now, I know I'm assuming you all can read...my bad...the person who designed the drive through was smart enough to assume you probably couldn't (it was his/her only shred of intelligence)...they used universal colors for stop and go. So...red = stop/closed....and green = go/open. If you pull into a closed lane and ring the bell we all will know you are stupid. If you continue to ring the bell when noone answers...we will all know you are really stupid. And...if you come into the building to complain because you pulled into the closed drive through and are mad that noone helped you we will know you are lazy and stupid. This means one thing for you: Get your lazy, stupid ass in line and wait your turn.
5. If you request your prescription be filled and don't come to pick it up we will not hold it on the shelf for you indefinitely. Do not act surprised and put out when you come to pick up the prescription you called in last month and it's not ready...if you needed it you would have come to get it. Do not act surprised and put out if you were not called to come and get your medication...we are not babysitters - you are responsible for your healthcare. Do not lose your temper and yell at my staff...you will wait extra (I like to call it "time out") so you can ponder over your stupidity and bad behavior.
6. Do not attempt to purchase pseudoephedrine for any purpose other than what it is intended. You know who you are...you are a "pseudo-head"...you make meth. You're not fooling me...I see your scabby face, stained fingers and rotted teeth...and (not that you care because you are a hot mess) I can smell you. Go away...I will refuse you...and if you push, I will humiliate you in front of every patient in the pharmacy.
7. Do not ask me to sell you 3 syringes and then tell me they are for your Gramma. Bullshit. If you're desperate and need a clean needle and syringe just be honest...I won't sell you any if you lie to me.
8. Do not go to store management to resolve an issue in the Pharmacy. Address the Pharmacy with your issue if you really want to get what you need. If you are just looking to be an ass and cause trouble...go see the store management. They don't have any authority in the Pharmacy, but they are much more adept and interested in listening to your mindless ranting...I don't have the time nor the inclination to do so (plus I really like it when you've gone and ranted and then come back to the Pharmacy all full of yourself thinking you're going to get me in trouble only to find that you're not getting shit...).
9. Do not threaten to transfer your prescriptions when you are upset unless you really are intending to do so. I will call your bluff. If you are misbehaving and wasting my time I will do whatever necessary to get rid of you so I can take care of my other patients. Remember...you are not a "customer" in the Pharmacy...you are NOT always right.
10. Do not call me a name like "bitch" or "dumbass"...or say "fuck you". Do not turn to other patients and try to rabble-rouse. Any of the previous behavior will get you one thing...O-U-T...without your medication...carrying your hard-copy prescription...looking for your next Pharmacy victim...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Rant...
I have something to say...and it will only make sense to a few of you...
To the "mean"-sayer... I'm not "mean". I'm "direct". I don't plan to do malicious things to you. To the one who started this "mean"-thing I say...You know who you are...and, just to be "nice", I'm going to tell you a "direct" truth: I didn't lick the gum...you got trapped and sucked into a big mess by one of your own employees. Further, everyone you told about the gum is laughing at you behind your back and calling you a neurotic mess (yes, go take your blood pressure for the 40th time today...oh, that is probably "mean"...). At first I thought it was amusing that your gossip was backfiring on you, but then I felt sorry for you and tried to defend your ignorance. Now, since you insist on continuing with your own special brand of "mean"-ness, I just listen and laugh (maybe that is "mean"...)... I do take solace in the fact that I don't need to call home when I'm away to have someone unplug my stove for fear that someone will break in, cook a roast and burn my house down...
To the "bully"-caller... This is to the "ex". Good God! Shut up! Stop telling everyone how I "bullied" you! My reputation will be ruined if they find out I "bullied" you into letting me pay all your bills for more than 3 months after I divorced you and you moved out... Please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into not paying child support for 3 months so you could get on your feet... Please oh please don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into letting me pay your first and last months rent, damage and pet deposit on your new place... Don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into cancelling medical coverage for our daughter so I could cover her on my own... I would just die if you told anyone how I "bullied" you into not working more than 20 hours each week for the last 2 years of our marriage and "bullied" you into letting me hire a maid to clean up after you while I was working 12 hour shifts... And, most recently...please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into letting me pay for our daughter's car, Drivers Ed and car insurance all on my own - that could be catastophic for my reputation...I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm "nice" or anything...
To the "mean"-sayer... I'm not "mean". I'm "direct". I don't plan to do malicious things to you. To the one who started this "mean"-thing I say...You know who you are...and, just to be "nice", I'm going to tell you a "direct" truth: I didn't lick the gum...you got trapped and sucked into a big mess by one of your own employees. Further, everyone you told about the gum is laughing at you behind your back and calling you a neurotic mess (yes, go take your blood pressure for the 40th time today...oh, that is probably "mean"...). At first I thought it was amusing that your gossip was backfiring on you, but then I felt sorry for you and tried to defend your ignorance. Now, since you insist on continuing with your own special brand of "mean"-ness, I just listen and laugh (maybe that is "mean"...)... I do take solace in the fact that I don't need to call home when I'm away to have someone unplug my stove for fear that someone will break in, cook a roast and burn my house down...
To the "bully"-caller... This is to the "ex". Good God! Shut up! Stop telling everyone how I "bullied" you! My reputation will be ruined if they find out I "bullied" you into letting me pay all your bills for more than 3 months after I divorced you and you moved out... Please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into not paying child support for 3 months so you could get on your feet... Please oh please don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into letting me pay your first and last months rent, damage and pet deposit on your new place... Don't tell anyone that I "bullied" you into cancelling medical coverage for our daughter so I could cover her on my own... I would just die if you told anyone how I "bullied" you into not working more than 20 hours each week for the last 2 years of our marriage and "bullied" you into letting me hire a maid to clean up after you while I was working 12 hour shifts... And, most recently...please don't tell anyone how I "bullied" you into letting me pay for our daughter's car, Drivers Ed and car insurance all on my own - that could be catastophic for my reputation...I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm "nice" or anything...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
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