The "he-she" estrogen rage...

Tonight one of my technicians called me at home because one of our regular patients lost he-her mind and started yelling. I think he-her hormones are off...I noticed he-she had a bit of a 5 o'clock shadow the other day as well as an increase in growth of body hair. I think he-her testicles are telling he-her breasts to BACK OFF I'M BACK!. So, he-she is going injection instead of PO in an attempt to keep him-herself in a more feminine role. He-she is mad... He-she is coming in tomorrow to complain about my technician... He-she can take he-her he-she parts somewhere else if he-she is gonna act that way.

Know what I mean?

...sheesh...

My boss is bomb...

Amidst all the complaining I have to say...

My boss is bomb. She happens to be the biggest reason I stay with the company I work for. She supports her Pharmacists in all they do (unless they are being bad)...and can be unconditionally trusted. There really isn't much I wouldn't do for her. I love having a job where I know that if I do an honest days work that I'll be supported when some psycho patient or some physician with an overinflated sense of self worth calls to complain. I love knowing that I don't have to tolerate disrespect or abuse from my patients and that I'll have my boss' support if I fire them for said. There's something to be said for that kind of support...in fact, support-wise, it's right up there with Victoria Secrets best bra!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!

The King has a brother.....

Earlier I posted about a physician whom I fondly referred to as The King....today I met his brother The Jester. I'm going to vent here about The Jester... The Jester called and started by yelling at one of my staff (nobody yells at my staff except for me!)...then he started yelling at me. The reason for the yelling is not really this issue, the issue is that this physician was so unreasonably angry that I had to terminate the call with him. Then The Jester called back and told me that when he was done with me that I wouldn't have a pot to piss in and that he'd have my license. Of course I terminated that call as well. Later in the day a patient came to the pharmacy and (upon finding out that I had spoken to The Jester) apologized for The Jester's behavior...that he was embarassed and wanted a recommendation to another prescriber...apparently he was in The Jester's office and witnessed the whole conversation and found it appalling.

I love Karma.

What did you just say?

I'm reminiscing...

"I have this rash..." - I usually stop looking at the patient at this moment because 9 times out of 10 they are preparing to show me.

"Why wrong wit my butt?" - Patient who spoke broken english who I ended up finding out had a hemorrhoid playing peek-a-boo.

"I used acne wash for the pimples I got on my crotch from shaving...now I have a rash, what can I do?" - Those aren't pimples...and do you have to say "crotch"...could you please say "bikini line" or "groin"? And that's probably a benzoyl peroxide burn you idiot!

"My niece has bugs in her hair. Can you tell me if it's lice?" - NO NO NO!! Go get the Rid! Bye Bye... I'm itching right now.

"I haven't gone poop in 4 days and my stomach hurts. Is that normal?" - What do you think!?

"I just got new breasts. Would you like to see them?" - No lie. She was getting pain medication and was so excited she wanted to show me her new boobs. I'm not really a boob-girl so I declined but thanked her for the offer.

"Wanna go for a ride?" - Old man propositioning me while I was still interning...I counselled him on Viagra. In a word....NO. How come I never get the "hot" ones? They always have to be 80.

"How do I know if these are the right size?" - Box of condoms...they were magnum...he was no magnum...


I love my job.

I only want the Vicodin...

Can I get a show of hands from those of you who get patients who think we're gullible enough to only fill the Vicodin on a script from the emergency room written on a blank also containing an antibiotic? Uh...hello! The antibiotic is $4.00 and the Vicodin is $16.49 and you're telling me you can't afford to get both? Guess what the answer is? I'm gonna give you three guesses and the first two don't count...

...sheesh...

Booger alert.

Is it too much to ask my staff to tell me if I have a visible booger in my nostril? I go into the bathroom and wash my hands...glance in the mirror and there it is...big ole booger suspended on a nostril hair. What if I had exhaled while I was counselling someone and it flew out? Come on people!! Cut me a break here!!

I am Doctor! Hear me roar!!

So I get a call from this physician, let's call him The King. The King is pissed because the day prior his MA called twice to speak to the Pharmacist to give a verbal prescription but was instructed to leave a message or send a fax as the Pharmacist was with patients. Now, I'm doing 450 to 500 a day folks...my recorder line takes messages and has a phone tree that gives you the option to do so...USE IT SO I DON'T HAVE TO BE INTERRUPTED EVERY 5 DAMN SECONDS!! I explain to The King that offices do have the aforementioned options which serves to further infuriate him. The King tells me that my staff is incompetent to take prescriptions in any fashion other than verbally and repeating back to his MA. Now I'm insulted. Then The King tells me that if my pharmacy cannot adhere to HIS policy that he will instruct his patients to take their prescriptions elsewhere and that from this point on he will not authorize refills to our pharmacy. I know, I know...you're thinking "what an ass"....THERE'S MORE...

Later that day I receive a fax from The King. The King is sending me a sample notice to be posted in his office informing his patients that he is no longer doing business with my pharmacy. He goes on to accuse me of things I didn't even say. I was amused...not because I was being slandered, but because he wrote it in such a fit that he misspelled and had some serious grammar faux-pauxs. I know, I know...you're thinking "I was right! What an ass"...but wait....THERE'S MORE....

The following day I receive a fax from The King that is a copy of the letter he sent to the Corporate Office of the company I work for. I couldn't help but giggle...more grammar and spelling issues. I didn't dignify either letter with a response...in fact I left his fax in our computer so that every time one of his patients requests a refill it will be automatically generated to his office. I can't wait for the denials to roll in. I can't wait to let his patients know...yes, you guessed it..."what an ass" he is.

hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee